Editor’s note: This story is part of Peak, The Athletic’s desk covering leadership, personal development and success through the lens of sports. Follow Peak here.
You might he heard of Ilona Maher for the first time during the 2024 Olympics, when she helped the United States win its first medal in rugby.
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Or maybe you were introduced to her later that year when she finished runner-up on “Dancing with the Stars.”
Or perhaps you’ve come across her on Instagram, where she has 5.2 million followers.
On Friday, Maher will be back in the spotlight when the 2025 Rugby World Cup kicks off in England. She will be making her World Cup debut after being named in the United States’ starting lineup against the hosts.
I wanted to talk to Maher because I checked all of the boxes above: I watched her compete in the Olympics. I looked forward to her routines on “Dancing with the Stars.” And I appreciate her messages of empowerment and body positivity on social media.
Her presence and energy feel contagious and genuine. But I wanted to know how she became comfortable in her own skin.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
You posted that you’ve always been a fan of the quote, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” I wanted to know why and if there was a moment when that line clicked for you.
That’s one of my sister’s forite quotes, and she would always say it, so I remember thinking about it even as a young girl. I think the comfort zone started back when I decided to play rugby. My comfort zone was softball. I could he just ended my senior year (of high school) playing softball and being fine with it, after going to endless pitching clinics and whatnot, but I took a step outside of it and played rugby. It completely changed my trajectory of life.
Then I decided to play it in college, and I decided to transfer. I could he stayed comfortable and stayed at the college I was at, but I wanted to make a change. I wanted to do something else. And then when I was about to graduate college, I could he just continued with the nursing and got myself a stable job, but that was comfortable, and I wanted to try something else. So I went and tried to make the Olympic team, and look where it’s gotten me.
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My dad always says this quote about inertia and staying in the same state: “OK, look, you either stay in inertia or you can get out of it.” I just love that. Every time I’ve gotten out of it and done my own thing, it’s opened up things for me.
Do you think it helps getting to know yourself and to understand how you’re wired first?
It’s a constant journey, right? I barely knew myself when I decided to go play rugby. Even as I get older, I’m still constantly figuring it out.
Right now, something we talk a lot about with experts and coaches, especially, is how it’s hard to get to know ourselves and understand who we are and just stay true to that with phones and social media. It can be tougher to nigate with all that, too. But a lot of people look to you as an example of authenticity.
I think it was taking a look around and seeing, “Oh, OK, wait, everybody’s kind of insecure. Everybody’s trying to figure everything else out. What if I just kind of owned it and owned myself and owned how I feel and who I am?”
One of the quotes I he on sweatshirts is, “Never tone it down.” I’ve just never felt that because of the people around me. My dad told me to pitch it harder and faster. My mom told me to speak up and to make friends. It also gives you more room to focus on your passions, focus on your dream, then who you are. For me, it just seems like it’s those who are supporting me who’ve allowed me to be myself because they encourage me.
How do you think authenticity helps with performance?
When you feel like yourself, when you feel genuinely like yourself, you’re going to be just a better person, a better athlete. I wear lipstick when I play because it makes me feel good. And then I feel like a boss lady out there.
I showed every emotion on “Dancing with the Stars.” I showed the sadness, the anger, the annoyance. Because then I was able to be myself freely, and I didn’t he to put up a mask and try to be somebody. I just felt like I was myself. It’s so much easier to be yourself than anybody else.
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Do you think anybody can reach that point?
Anybody can get there, but it’s not linear. It’s not like, “Whoa, I figured out self-confidence, I am good. I am going to be authentic at all times!” I’m figuring it out still.
It’s OK if there are small wins in your life. I don’t think everybody’s going to be as confident as I am or as confident as my teammate, Nia (Toliver) — she’s very confident. I he other teammates who aren’t, yet they’re still very successful. So I think it’s never linear, and I think that’s what makes it so special, is how different we are. And so if I can give somebody a little bit more confidence or a little bit more of an opportunity to be themselves, that’s just a little something I can do.
He you found any challenges through that or that other people might hit along the way?
I just read a quote: “By being yourself, you are also opening yourself up.” It’s very vulnerable to be yourself. That means that not everybody’s going to like you. Not everybody’s going to vibe with you, and that’s down to your genuine self. It’s not like it’s a fake person. It’s truly who you are.
That can be tough. My mom said this once to me: “Well, you don’t like everybody, so why would you want everybody to like you?” I was like, “Man, that’s really true.”
It’s getting to a place where you don’t need the approval of others, and it’s very hard. I mean, I still sometimes get caught up in that. There are going to be people always who maybe aren’t as secure or want to see others thrive. To be your authentic self is actually kind of like an “F U” to them and a bre and beautiful thing.
You’ve also been in some leadership roles. Do you find that it helps you with your leadership skills?
I he been in some leadership roles, but I’ve never needed a title to be a leader. Even now, I wasn’t a captain because I never felt like I needed that to be a leader on a field or off the field. I think that’s what’s important. You can just be a good person. You can be a leader without being told to.
Some people can do it, and some people can’t. Some people are more followers. I think at times I’m a follower. I love it when people set things up for me or when they tell it to you, and I’m like, “This is awesome. Great stuff.”
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We all he different roles to play, and I think you don’t he to be told you’re one thing.
For anybody who is trying to be a leader, what would you tell them?
Take a look around. Look at this person or look at that person. Do you think they he it all figured out? Do you think they’re perfectly confident? Do you think they’re being completely themselves all the time?
Take a deep look and he conversations with people. Like, “OK, you’re really this, but what do you feel here?” We’re so complex as people, and it’s not just black and white. OK, you’re authentic, so you’re done!
It’s not a one-size-fits-all, and it’s OK to be constantly on a journey learning it.
(Illustration: Dan Goldfarb / The Athletic; Dan Mullan / Getty Images)